Death of an Uncle

The last two weeks have been a whirlwind since my uncle died from cancer. He had been living with us for the last several months.

I had grown used to his presence. I never expected that he would one day disappear. I'm the kind of person who accepts things as they are, but when forced to face reality, I've no choice but to fold.

It's easy for me to distance myself from most things, but seeing the coffin and carrying it -- I was a pallbearer -- was overwhelming. The most affecting part of the funeral was seeing my family, normally stoic and easygoing, crack under grief -- especially my dad. I've never seen my dad sad before, and seeing it realized the full brunt of our loss. He had lost a brother.

Seeing the coffin sealed and buried was the moment I broke. A burial is not for the sake of the deceased, but to elicit suppressed feelings of grief -- catharsis.

My uncle knew what was coming since he outlived his prognosis by six months. He had everything arranged beforehand. His portrait was taken months ago and he selected his own burial plot.

Learning about this comforted me. Although his passing felt sudden, he was always ready, and he was able to spend his final days with his family, including my niece. That's more than most people get before they die.

I'm glad I was able to be a part of his life.

Farewell, uncle.

Recent Events

You have to know you're okay in order to feel okay. I went to see professionals to address issues that, if resolved, would marginally increase my quality of life.

The good news is that I'm physically fine. The bad news? It didn't solve anything. I don’t take risks and live moderately, so it’s unfortunate to fall victim to an unavoidable and random condition such as tinnitus.

I've had this ringing in my head for more than a year already, and when each of my doctors told me they've suffered through the same for over 20 years, that doesn't leave me with much optimism. I've suffered this twice before and both times, it went away on its own. My only hope is that the third time's the charm.

As if that wasn't enough, I fought off an infection that eroded my gums down to the root. I can feel the sharp edge underneath my tooth with my tongue. This prompted a visit to the dentist. It's been four years since I got fillings (and had my wisdom teeth removed), so this appointment was long overdue.

According to the dental exam, my teeth are in remarkably good condition given the time between cleanings. I couldn't get away completely unscathed. I have a small cavity in one tooth. It's not a problem yet, so it's under watch. I gotta give it extra TLC during brushing and flossing.

I was surprised to hear my teeth are fine since there's a hole in my mouth. I guess all those years of tenacious flossing paid off. Periodontal disease sucks. I fought another infection years back and the tooth looks extra longer because of it. At least it's healing up and my gums have almost filled in the gaps. Just a little more to go.

The brakes on my car were feeling weird so I went to get a free brake inspection. No problems with my brakes. I started braking more softly since the issue only showed up when I braked too hard. I could be avoiding the problem or it resolved itself. I don't know. If the mechanic wasn't lying (and there's no reason for him to since, you know, mechanics), then my brakes are fine. It could be an issue with something else. Until I start slipping, I'm not gonna worry about it too much.

As far as I know, I'm a healthy son of a bitch. All I have to do now is get my vision checked and maybe a physical. I'll do that next month since I spent too much lately. Such is the price of peace of mind.