Lately, my tinnitus has been driving me nuts. I've decided that enough was enough and began the long process of tinnitus retraining therapy. I'm not using any official program or outline. This is self-training through intuition.
The goal is to reshape my perception until the constant ringing becomes something I ignore on instinct. I achieve this by focusing on every other sound except the tinnitus. It's one of those things where the more you think about it, the worst it gets.
It is incredibly difficult to change my thinking, and I have a bad habit of making sure that my tinnitus is still there. I can go for short stretches without noticing, but then I think about it just as soon as I forget. My obsession keeps it there and makes it worse. The more you tell yourself not to think about it, the more you think about it.
There's two parts to my therapy: I have to control my emotional reaction to the condition, and I have to train my brain to focus on other sounds. Early results seem encouraging, if a little inconsistent. I've only done this for one day so far. The key component is to cut down on the time spent worrying about it.
Let's see if this makes life any easier.
Sunday, April 12, 2015
Sunday, March 29, 2015
Death of an Uncle
The last two weeks have been a whirlwind since my uncle died from cancer. He had been living with us for the last several months.
I had grown used to his presence. I never expected that he would one day disappear. I'm the kind of person who accepts things as they are, but when forced to face reality, I've no choice but to fold.
It's easy for me to distance myself from most things, but seeing the coffin and carrying it -- I was a pallbearer -- was overwhelming. The most affecting part of the funeral was seeing my family, normally stoic and easygoing, crack under grief -- especially my dad. I've never seen my dad sad before, and seeing it realized the full brunt of our loss. He had lost a brother.
Seeing the coffin sealed and buried was the moment I broke. A burial is not for the sake of the deceased, but to elicit suppressed feelings of grief -- catharsis.
My uncle knew what was coming since he outlived his prognosis by six months. He had everything arranged beforehand. His portrait was taken months ago and he selected his own burial plot.
Learning about this comforted me. Although his passing felt sudden, he was always ready, and he was able to spend his final days with his family, including my niece. That's more than most people get before they die.
I'm glad I was able to be a part of his life.
Farewell, uncle.
I had grown used to his presence. I never expected that he would one day disappear. I'm the kind of person who accepts things as they are, but when forced to face reality, I've no choice but to fold.
It's easy for me to distance myself from most things, but seeing the coffin and carrying it -- I was a pallbearer -- was overwhelming. The most affecting part of the funeral was seeing my family, normally stoic and easygoing, crack under grief -- especially my dad. I've never seen my dad sad before, and seeing it realized the full brunt of our loss. He had lost a brother.
Seeing the coffin sealed and buried was the moment I broke. A burial is not for the sake of the deceased, but to elicit suppressed feelings of grief -- catharsis.
My uncle knew what was coming since he outlived his prognosis by six months. He had everything arranged beforehand. His portrait was taken months ago and he selected his own burial plot.
Learning about this comforted me. Although his passing felt sudden, he was always ready, and he was able to spend his final days with his family, including my niece. That's more than most people get before they die.
I'm glad I was able to be a part of his life.
Farewell, uncle.
Saturday, March 14, 2015
Recent Events
You have to know you're okay in order to feel okay. I went
to see professionals to address issues that, if resolved, would marginally increase
my quality of life.
The good news is that I'm physically fine. The bad news? It
didn't solve anything. I don’t take risks and live moderately, so it’s
unfortunate to fall victim to an unavoidable and random condition such as
tinnitus.
I've had this ringing in my head for more than a year already, and when each of my doctors told me they've suffered through the same for over 20 years, that doesn't leave me with much optimism. I've suffered this twice before and both times, it went away on its own. My only hope is that the third time's the charm.
As if that wasn't enough, I fought off an infection that eroded my gums down to the root. I can feel the sharp edge underneath my tooth with my tongue. This prompted a visit to the dentist. It's been four years since I got fillings (and had my wisdom teeth removed), so this appointment was long overdue.
According to the dental exam, my teeth are in remarkably good condition given the time between cleanings. I couldn't get away completely unscathed. I have a small cavity in one tooth. It's not a problem yet, so it's under watch. I gotta give it extra TLC during brushing and flossing.
I was surprised to hear my teeth are fine since there's a hole in my mouth. I guess all those years of tenacious flossing paid off. Periodontal disease sucks. I fought another infection years back and the tooth looks extra longer because of it. At least it's healing up and my gums have almost filled in the gaps. Just a little more to go.
The brakes on my car were feeling weird so I went to get a free brake inspection. No problems with my brakes. I started braking more softly since the issue only showed up when I braked too hard. I could be avoiding the problem or it resolved itself. I don't know. If the mechanic wasn't lying (and there's no reason for him to since, you know, mechanics), then my brakes are fine. It could be an issue with something else. Until I start slipping, I'm not gonna worry about it too much.
As far as I know, I'm a healthy son of a bitch. All I have to do now is get my vision checked and maybe a physical. I'll do that next month since I spent too much lately. Such is the price of peace of mind.
I've had this ringing in my head for more than a year already, and when each of my doctors told me they've suffered through the same for over 20 years, that doesn't leave me with much optimism. I've suffered this twice before and both times, it went away on its own. My only hope is that the third time's the charm.
As if that wasn't enough, I fought off an infection that eroded my gums down to the root. I can feel the sharp edge underneath my tooth with my tongue. This prompted a visit to the dentist. It's been four years since I got fillings (and had my wisdom teeth removed), so this appointment was long overdue.
According to the dental exam, my teeth are in remarkably good condition given the time between cleanings. I couldn't get away completely unscathed. I have a small cavity in one tooth. It's not a problem yet, so it's under watch. I gotta give it extra TLC during brushing and flossing.
I was surprised to hear my teeth are fine since there's a hole in my mouth. I guess all those years of tenacious flossing paid off. Periodontal disease sucks. I fought another infection years back and the tooth looks extra longer because of it. At least it's healing up and my gums have almost filled in the gaps. Just a little more to go.
The brakes on my car were feeling weird so I went to get a free brake inspection. No problems with my brakes. I started braking more softly since the issue only showed up when I braked too hard. I could be avoiding the problem or it resolved itself. I don't know. If the mechanic wasn't lying (and there's no reason for him to since, you know, mechanics), then my brakes are fine. It could be an issue with something else. Until I start slipping, I'm not gonna worry about it too much.
As far as I know, I'm a healthy son of a bitch. All I have to do now is get my vision checked and maybe a physical. I'll do that next month since I spent too much lately. Such is the price of peace of mind.
Thursday, January 1, 2015
Event Log: 1/1/15 - New Beginnings
YES!
We are finally here: 2015. I've got a good feeling about this. My best memories have always aligned with an odd year. Maybe because I was born on an odd one, or maybe, for some unconscious reason, I try harder. Whatever the case, this year is already an improvement by virtue of already being employed.
I know it sounds crazy, but a stable income changes everything. I can afford to do things now, like go on trips, eat at fancy restaurants, and buy stuff. I have a couple goals that I'd like to accomplish by the end of 2015.
1. Reach a net worth of $20,000.
2. Go on a big trip, preferably someplace overseas--like Tokyo.
3. Finish one, two, or all of my stories on FF.net.
4. Transition into original writing.
5. Destroy my gaming backlog. Or at least half of it.
?. Find a girlfriend...maybe. I say maybe because getting one will set me back on all my outlined goals--unless I meet someone extraordinary.
Welcome to 2015: Year of the Jomatto.
We are finally here: 2015. I've got a good feeling about this. My best memories have always aligned with an odd year. Maybe because I was born on an odd one, or maybe, for some unconscious reason, I try harder. Whatever the case, this year is already an improvement by virtue of already being employed.
I know it sounds crazy, but a stable income changes everything. I can afford to do things now, like go on trips, eat at fancy restaurants, and buy stuff. I have a couple goals that I'd like to accomplish by the end of 2015.
1. Reach a net worth of $20,000.
2. Go on a big trip, preferably someplace overseas--like Tokyo.
3. Finish one, two, or all of my stories on FF.net.
4. Transition into original writing.
5. Destroy my gaming backlog. Or at least half of it.
?. Find a girlfriend...maybe. I say maybe because getting one will set me back on all my outlined goals--unless I meet someone extraordinary.
Welcome to 2015: Year of the Jomatto.
Event Log: 12/31/14- The Last Day
I woke up early and had a tough day at work, only because the writing I had to deal with was more terrible than usual. Back-to-back early mornings was probably catching up to me.
Today was a half day, so I got out early. I learned that the microwave didn't work. This meant I couldn't eat the fried rice from yesterday. I made myself a sandwich instead.
I was so tired, I took a nap--for three hours. I woke up and started working out. I asked my friend if he was up for some BF4 but he pulled a rain check. He never got back to me.
I played Destiny until I realized that the new year was going to begin in about twenty minutes. I took a quick shower but I was too late. I barely missed the countdown by probably ten seconds. I have no idea what my last words for 2014 were, but it's my custom to say goodbye to the old year and say hello to the new one.
"Goodbye, 2014. Hello, 2015."
/eventlog
Today was a half day, so I got out early. I learned that the microwave didn't work. This meant I couldn't eat the fried rice from yesterday. I made myself a sandwich instead.
I was so tired, I took a nap--for three hours. I woke up and started working out. I asked my friend if he was up for some BF4 but he pulled a rain check. He never got back to me.
I played Destiny until I realized that the new year was going to begin in about twenty minutes. I took a quick shower but I was too late. I barely missed the countdown by probably ten seconds. I have no idea what my last words for 2014 were, but it's my custom to say goodbye to the old year and say hello to the new one.
"Goodbye, 2014. Hello, 2015."
/eventlog
Event Log: 12/30/14 - Full Auto
I got up early so that I could put in my two hours of overtime and still get home at my usual hour. I wasn't prepared for the cold winds when I got out. I was getting flashbacks to Chicago. I was afraid the wind was gonna blow my car off the road. The weather got so bad, I think it shut down my internet for a couple minutes. It was unfortunate timing because I was in a raid. When we finally finished it, I hopped on Battlefield 4 with my friend. It was another bad day for me. My friend is an outstanding player though. He was getting insane ratios. Not gonna lie, I was kinda jealous. Even though I should've went to bed early, I stayed up just so I could post that latest piece of Love Sick. Can't let my fans down!
/eventlog
/eventlog
Event Log: 12/29/14 - The Last Monday
Today was standard. I woke up and arrived to work at the usual time. I ate lunch, and afterward, experienced a brief moment of extreme drowsiness. I powered through like I always do. I went home, worked out, and then played Battlefield 4 to close out the night. I didn't play well. Destiny might've degraded my skill. My aim's been a little off. Don't know what's up. Maybe I should lower my sensitivity some more. On second thought, the problem is my firing rate. I'm probably feathering it too much when I should just go full auto. I went to bed late, which is bad since I'm planning on getting up early. I'll figure it out somehow.
/eventlog
/eventlog
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