Battle Report #1

If it doesn't work the first time then try it again.

But differently.

A couple weeks ago, I thought I'd try out the MG4 in combination with a suppressor and bipod. The idea was to rain fire from afar without giving away my position. It didn't work out well. The suppressor drastically cuts down on range and as soon as I hit anybody, they have plenty of time to run away. It took me two games to go back to my usual setup.

Yesterday, I tried it again since I felt like doing mortar shenanigans. I went 14-1 and then 10-0 on Golmud Railway and Operation Locker. I think I've uncovered the magic sauce in the burger. When I attach a bipod to my LMG, my first thought is "long distance." Taking out snipers with the bipod is a common strategy, but with a suppressor, I had to change tactics. Like with any suppressed gun, it's about being stealthy, staying prone, and picking my spots.

Once I embraced the stealth philosophy, I became the silent guardian. I would slowly and methodically take out groups of enemies and they'd have no idea where they're getting hit from. When you have 200 rounds of invisible bullets smacking you in the face, you don't have the time to look around and spot. You either hide, or you die.

I tested it out some more with middling results. As with any combination, it's very dependent on your positioning. If you can find a good spot, it's damn amazing. I think I'll stick with this configuration for a while and see where it takes me.

Ebb and Flow

My interest comes and goes with the tides, and after watching Age of Ultron, I needed to satisfy my Marvel kick. A big omission from my MCU resume were the Thor movies. I corrected that promptly. They weren't as bad as I thought, but they still occupy the middling tier if we're ranking them.

After finishing the movies, I wanted to sink my teeth into something meatier. Lo and behold, there's Daredevil to keep me busy for thirteen episodes. Thanks to Daredevil, my plan to beat Ni no Kuni went out the window. I haven't touched the game since Sunday. I lost about ten or even twenty hours of playtime, and I probably set back my backlog by a week.

Daredevil started off really strong but went sideways with a lame scene where a guy who shouldn't have died got taken out like a schmuck, and that other character kept making the situation worse with her persistence. Still, I'm intrigued to see what the next season brings.

This whole week has told me one thing: I am who I am. I'm liable to be swept up by my latest obsession and that's why I didn't schedule my entire year in advance. Another reason I was losing time for Ni no Kuni was because of BF4. Fortunately or unfortunately, that will no longer be the case.

I learned today that my battlefield partner has rejoined his brethren in Diablo 3. The Battlefield era has come to close. Since I've finished Daredevil and with my friend no longer interested in BF4, that leaves me with no excuse. I have to beat Ni no Kuni now.

I skipped out on my family's Mother's Day dinner because all those late nights of watching Daredevil over the week caught up to me. I just didn't feel like going out. I feel kinda bad but I gotta do what's best for me. I get to save money too. On the upside, this clears out my Sunday since I've taken care of my writing duties.

It always feels good to get things out of the way before they're due.

Deep Dreaming

I used to deep dream every night, but ever since I got a job, Morpheus rarely pays me a visit. It's a shame, because I've missed his company. 

These days, it happens about once or twice a week. I don't get as much sleep as I used to, and it's a lot shallower. There's the kind of sleep where I know I'm lying in bed, and then there's the kind where I'm anywhere but here.

Deep dreaming is one of the few times where I experience the genuine sensation of being someone else entirely in a completely different place. I wonder if my dreams are truly products of imagination or perhaps glimpses of a parallel world. If it's the latter, I feel sorry for those versions of me that die.

It's funny to think that for some people, dreams are their escape from a shitty reality, but for me, it's quite the opposite. If I had a nickel for every time I've woken up from a car accident, failing a test, or an otherwise indescribably unfortunate situation, I would be a millionaire. 

I welcome reality every morning. It's good to be alive.

Ghibli Goodness

Ni no Kuni is a deceptively challenging game. I wasn't expecting this much resistance from a game that hands out tutorials like candy on Halloween. The game constantly explains the most basic concepts of a JRPG from healing to saving, yet, the regular battles are kicking my ass.

I was thinking that the best time to rush through a JRPG is in the beginning since catching up is easier later on when the enemies give out more exp, but I've been forced to grind. I'd almost forgotten this is a Level-5 game. It's difficult when I can't even run past most enemies. They catch up in a matter of moments, so it's either fight them head on or let them ambush me.

As much as failure frustrates me, it's the only way I can learn and master the game's mechanics. Ever since I died mere steps away from a save point which would've restored all my health and magic, I've become much more aggressive when it comes to switching between familiars and taking advantage of my abilities. In a way, I had a breakthrough and I'm now exploring the limits of the battle system.

Something similar happened in Tales of Xillia in the battle against Muzét. All of sudden, I'm forced to learn how to manually position myself against enemies when I just semi-auto'ed my way to victory before. That's still the hardest boss fight in the whole game for me because I leave all the healing and item management to the AI. 

While it's in my best interest to dial down the difficulty if I want to clear my backlog as fast as possible, my gamer pride won't let me. It looks like I'm going to need more than two weeks and a half to complete the game at this rate. I blame the NBA playoffs for my slow pace.

Aside from the challenge, Ni no Kuni is a better Kingdom Hearts than Kingdom Hearts since it deals with parallel words and matters of the "heart" without the convoluted nonsense that plagues KH. It's been a while since I played as a kid. It's a nice contrast to all the killing and cussing I do in BF4. 

If the game didn't force me to grind so much, I'd like it a lot more. Hopefully, the curve evens out a bit because I've already died more in normal battles than I have in the entirety of Tales of Xillia, and in Tales, I only died because of a BS full party petrify.  

I'm enjoying it so far and it's definitely testing me. I just hope the game doesn't throw a huge wall at me later on.

Remapping

Lately, my tinnitus has been driving me nuts. I've decided that enough was enough and began the long process of tinnitus retraining therapy. I'm not using any official program or outline. This is self-training through intuition.

The goal is to reshape my perception until the constant ringing becomes something I ignore on instinct. I achieve this by focusing on every other sound except the tinnitus. It's one of those things where the more you think about it, the worst it gets.

It is incredibly difficult to change my thinking, and I have a bad habit of making sure that my tinnitus is still there. I can go for short stretches without noticing, but then I think about it just as soon as I forget. My obsession keeps it there and makes it worse. The more you tell yourself not to think about it, the more you think about it.

There's two parts to my therapy: I have to control my emotional reaction to the condition, and I have to train my brain to focus on other sounds. Early results seem encouraging, if a little inconsistent. I've only done this for one day so far. The key component is to cut down on the time spent worrying about it.

Let's see if this makes life any easier.

Death of an Uncle

The last two weeks have been a whirlwind since my uncle died from cancer. He had been living with us for the last several months.

I had grown used to his presence. I never expected that he would one day disappear. I'm the kind of person who accepts things as they are, but when forced to face reality, I've no choice but to fold.

It's easy for me to distance myself from most things, but seeing the coffin and carrying it -- I was a pallbearer -- was overwhelming. The most affecting part of the funeral was seeing my family, normally stoic and easygoing, crack under grief -- especially my dad. I've never seen my dad sad before, and seeing it realized the full brunt of our loss. He had lost a brother.

Seeing the coffin sealed and buried was the moment I broke. A burial is not for the sake of the deceased, but to elicit suppressed feelings of grief -- catharsis.

My uncle knew what was coming since he outlived his prognosis by six months. He had everything arranged beforehand. His portrait was taken months ago and he selected his own burial plot.

Learning about this comforted me. Although his passing felt sudden, he was always ready, and he was able to spend his final days with his family, including my niece. That's more than most people get before they die.

I'm glad I was able to be a part of his life.

Farewell, uncle.

Recent Events

You have to know you're okay in order to feel okay. I went to see professionals to address issues that, if resolved, would marginally increase my quality of life.

The good news is that I'm physically fine. The bad news? It didn't solve anything. I don’t take risks and live moderately, so it’s unfortunate to fall victim to an unavoidable and random condition such as tinnitus.

I've had this ringing in my head for more than a year already, and when each of my doctors told me they've suffered through the same for over 20 years, that doesn't leave me with much optimism. I've suffered this twice before and both times, it went away on its own. My only hope is that the third time's the charm.

As if that wasn't enough, I fought off an infection that eroded my gums down to the root. I can feel the sharp edge underneath my tooth with my tongue. This prompted a visit to the dentist. It's been four years since I got fillings (and had my wisdom teeth removed), so this appointment was long overdue.

According to the dental exam, my teeth are in remarkably good condition given the time between cleanings. I couldn't get away completely unscathed. I have a small cavity in one tooth. It's not a problem yet, so it's under watch. I gotta give it extra TLC during brushing and flossing.

I was surprised to hear my teeth are fine since there's a hole in my mouth. I guess all those years of tenacious flossing paid off. Periodontal disease sucks. I fought another infection years back and the tooth looks extra longer because of it. At least it's healing up and my gums have almost filled in the gaps. Just a little more to go.

The brakes on my car were feeling weird so I went to get a free brake inspection. No problems with my brakes. I started braking more softly since the issue only showed up when I braked too hard. I could be avoiding the problem or it resolved itself. I don't know. If the mechanic wasn't lying (and there's no reason for him to since, you know, mechanics), then my brakes are fine. It could be an issue with something else. Until I start slipping, I'm not gonna worry about it too much.

As far as I know, I'm a healthy son of a bitch. All I have to do now is get my vision checked and maybe a physical. I'll do that next month since I spent too much lately. Such is the price of peace of mind.