Keeping Up

Update week is always stressful, especially when I'm writing from behind. I was forced to do something unsavory, and that's sever the chapter in half. I'm getting flashbacks to my past because I did that a lot. It normally wouldn't be a problem but I'm determined to end the story on chapter 50. I don't have a lot of leeway when it comes to pushing things back. We might be headed towards another mega-chapter for the next update. Lucky for you guys but it's more work for me.

I was behind thanks to Battlefield 4. I played way too much, which led me to sleep late, which meant I napped instead of write during my lunch break. I put myself in a bad position. I stopped playing BF4, so I should be back on track.

Now that I'm past 1000, I'm in "no fucks given" territory. I thought I'd clear it easily but with the sluggish pace of reviews, I barely dragged myself over the finish line. My reception is declining with each update. I'm no longer propelled by reader enthusiasm. I'm in "get it done" mode. It's still an impressive achievement to hit 1000 since we're in the dark ages, and it'll stay dark until KH3 comes out. Seems like I'll never hit the heights of my contemporaries.

For that, you guys deserve the worst troll ending possible.

Off Days

Three-day weekends are killer. Because my schedule is so wide open, I freeze up at the possibilities. It's the illusion of free time. I do what I want instead of what I have to do and end up not doing anything.

I've pushed the completion date for Ni no Kuni back by weeks. I hate to say this but the game doesn't grab me the way Xillia did. It's a total grind. The tiered evolution mechanic is regressive and I made some poor party composition choices. My motivation has been thoroughly sapped as a result.

It's probably my fault. I tried to go for an optimized build and that meant restarting from scratch. I've mostly got my party up to speed so it's a matter of flying through the content. I can't grind unless I absolutely have to, and if this means harder boss fights, then so be it.

I've been playing more Battlefield since I started watching OneCheesyMofo on YouTube. Ever since I subscribed, I've been doing a lot better online, even though I still have horrible games from time to time. You can't force a build. You gotta let it develop naturally. While there's room for experimentation and improvisation, tried and true always works.

I recently updated Love Sick and the reception has been middling. To put it in business terms, I'm getting the same return no matter how much more I invest. There's no growth, and while it's not the worst thing to happen, it's far from ideal. The market has changed, and if all I'm doing is catering to a shrinking demographic, the smart choice is to shift gears.

I'm a man of obligation so all my stories will be completed, just not in the way I originally envisioned. Maybe it's better this way. Better to be lean than bloated.

I was forced to watch the latest episode of Game of Thrones since the headlines were hellbent on spoiling me, and while I wasn't outright spoiled, I was able to peace together the spoiler with the few details that managed to penetrate my guard.

Maybe I'm socially tone deaf, but I don't think the last scene is something to be outraged about. I understand it being uncomfortable to watch, but I don't think it was "bad," in both terms of net effect on societal attitudes and its implications on the overarching story. Of course, I can't speak for its exclusionary nature when I'm not the one being excluded.

Much of the criticism revolves around deviation from the books and gut feelings. I don't begrudge anyone for dropping Game of Thrones because of that scene, it's just short-sighted since you do so without seeing the full ramifications. Then again, I'm the kind of cat that always finishes what he starts, and it'll take a helluva lot more than that to make me stop watching.

If there's anything to be outraged about, it's the poor implementation and execution of the Sand Snakes. Simply dreadful.

Artwork: Sora and Kairi

I usually draw on paper first for my rough drafts, but this time, I decided to do everything in Photoshop. From conception to final production, everything was done on the computer.

Artwork: Sora (Love Sick)

 

 For this drawing project, I decided to draw Sora from my story, Love Sick. In it, he suffers a serious condition where close proximity with girls activates his gag reflex. Simply put, girls make him sick. Due to story details, I made him wear a generic white tee. The hand over his mouth is to keep himself from throwing up. I tried to make him look "cool," and at the same time, have him troubled. I think I succeeded on some level.

Love Sick Chapter 19 Preview

A dramatic moment.

It's something that, in movies, is usually accompanied by excessive amounts of slow motion, agonizing music, and a lot of suspense.

Unfortunately, life doesn't slow down to give us room to breathe. Blink once and you're already six-inch deep, with one foot out the door and the other trying desperately to stay inbounds. When something bad comes, it hits hard and fast.

Which is why, by the time I see her, it's already too late.

Damn.

What the hell is Xion doing here?

If she finds out that I'm here with Roxas, she'll definitely tell Kairi about it. My first thought is to hide, but that's when my dramatic moment comes. As my mind probes for possible solutions, it dawns on me that I'm here with Roxas.

It's a crippling realization.

Roxas could never read a situation well. His capacity for subtlety is nonexistent. At the slightest prod, he'd fold and spill out his guts. He's the kind of guy that would tell you far more than you ever wanted to know. I just hope he keeps his mouth shut.

I use the moving bodies on Starwalk as cover until I make my way to a wall. I back up against it and peek over the edge to see them talking. Time to just wait it out. I pull myself back, lean against the wall, and slide down until I'm squatting. Staying low should minimize my presence.

Hopefully, Roxas just hit on her and got rejected, and that would be the end of that. Worse case scenario, she recognizes him. With recognition comes curiosity, and with curiosity comes attention, and with attention comes a retch session with a toilet bowl.

What are the odds that she just happened to be here? I'm inclined to believe in coincidences as substitute for fate, but when things are this convenient, I believe in volition. Could she have followed us from school? Why would she? Maybe she's spying on us for Kairi?

I don't know what scares me more: that I'm this paranoid, or that it might actually be justified -- schizophrenia be vindicated.

Love. Sick.

I see her face,

My chest gets tight,

I up my pace,

She remains in sight,

I look away,

And I try to flee,

To my dismay,

I can't get free,

My stomach turns,

My belly rumbles,

My insides churn,

And my legs stumble,

But I have learned,

That it cant be stopped.

I get dizzy,

And I get sweaty,

I hold my breath,

Cause I can feel death,

I feel it rise,

I feel it rising,

Its no surprise,

I know this feeling,

I take my leave,

Rushing to the stall,

And I heave, heave, heave,

Until I've heaved it all.

This problem of mine, is surely of mind,

But I can't accept, such nervous concept.

If a girl, is around,

I will make, retched sound.

I close my eyes, cause I am sick,

How I despise, such harsh afflict.

This my problem, I keep hidden,

The only way, I could fit in.

Between home and school, the sacred border,

Difference between, health and disorder.

Style of her hair,

Does not matter.

Color of her eye,

Is not factor.

The shape of her face,

Unimportant.

The width of her waist.

Mind discordant.

How her body looks, and how she appears,

Is of no concern, because of my fears.

Every woman, if so close they came,

My inside urges, I cannot contain.

And the end result, is always the same.

For this affliction, for who could I blame?

For how long have I suffered?

It's biological.

As long as I remembered,

It's physiological.

Is there any cure in sight?

It's pathological.

Only solution is flight,

It's illogical.

And impossible.

The only thing I know,

Learned from experience,

From past present go,

Lack of resilience,

Is if I'm close to chick,

My only response is

To get very very sick.

Love.

Sick.