It Ain't Over Til It's Over

This blog is on hold.

Long-form writing doesn't agree with me anymore. I'm transferring all activity to tumblr and twitter.

I'll probably revisit this at some point, but until then, this will be an archive.

Fifth Meeting

Not much happened this week. I consider it a mini break, but such periods of calm are common before storms. With all the research done, the only thing left is to go into full production on the storyline. Everything rests on my shoulders now. It'll be hard, but a complete intro should be done by next Friday. In three weeks, the entire project should be done in rough draft form. After that, we'll do revisions.

Time to hunker down and focus.

Artwork: Sora and Naminé

Sora and Naminé chilling together.

This picture was a right pain in the ass. Anything that has to do with color always is. I couldn't get my shading with the black brush to look right, so I decided to use color for depth. I forgot how much work it is to actually use color. The thing that annoys me most is when I finish everything, it's too late to make dramatic changes. There's something off about the picture that I can't put my finger on. Naminé's face is weird, and Sora's arms are out of whack. I definitely gotta practice more. Maybe I should start using the pen tool for later pictures.

Fourth Meeting

It's hard to believe that it's been a month since I first started this project. Back then, all I had was an idea, but now, we have a fully working prototype. It's lacking in content, but it has all the basic functionality I need to make a good visual novel.

It took me way too long just to make a placeholder character.

Uncharted 3

Uncharted 3: Drake's Deception is a stellar experience. It's a culmination of Naughty Dog's work in marrying game design and Hollywood spectacle in one package. It’s the perfect blockbuster, packed to the brim with thrills, death-defying stunts, and amazing set pieces. Unfortunately, the substance that made Uncharted 2 such a fantastic game has been replaced with empty flash.

JomattoStyle: Descriptions

Most stories I read are driven primarily by dialogue -- but that's probably the case for most modern works. My memories are colored by school-assigned literature that's seemingly dominated by pages upon pages of description.

For fanfiction though, most writers have settled on a dialogue-heavy formula. I consider it a byproduct of the more popular forms of media: TV, movies, etc. We grew up watching this stuff, so it only makes sense that we borrow from it when we imagine our own stories. This has led many fanfic authors to write something akin to scripts rather than novels. Remove all the keyframe action and all you have is talk. It's not necessarily a bad thing. We all watch TV, so it's a familiar format for us. The problem is that it doesn't take advantage of the writing medium.

Artwork: Sora and Kairi

I usually draw on paper first for my rough drafts, but this time, I decided to do everything in Photoshop. From conception to final production, everything was done on the computer.

Third Meeting

I'm late on my meeting notes, but that's more of a reflection of the meeting content than my ability to quickly write up a summary. There's not much to say. We're working diligently to reach our "milestones." A lot of it really depends on me.

JomattoStyle: Introductions

It's called an introduction. It's an opportunity to make a great first impression--perhaps the only opportunity. There's really no excuse to flounder on such a fundamental aspect of writing a story. How many times do our English teachers have to throw out the word "hook" until our mouths got the gashes to prove it? I see far too many writers go for the most boring introductions ever. Every time I see it happen, it's a lost opportunity.

Artwork: Sora, Xion, and Moogle (Hotel Hearts)

This photo is rather simple compared to the amount of time I put into it. This took me over an hour to complete. I had some trouble because I forgot how to line stroke the pen tool. I felt like an idiot when I realized all I had to do was change the pen tool setting.

VN Prototype 2

[play music]

Where am I?

What is this place?

I'm looking around but...

Chapter Previews

All Chapter Previews are Organized Under Here.

Love Sick
Chapter 19  

Hotel Hearts
Initial Concept
Chapter 10
Chapter 11

Sora's Epic Journey
Initial Concept

Artwork
Sora (Love Sick)

Video Game Review Index

An index of all the games I've played and reviewed.

999: Nine Hours, Nine Persons, Nine Doors
Assassin's Creed 2
Batman: Arkham Asylum
Battlefield 3
Battlefield: Bad Company 2
Battlefield Bad Company 2: Vietnam
Bioshock 2
Bulletstorm
Call of Duty: Black Ops 
Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3
Castlevania: Lords of Shadow 
Dead Space 2
Deus Ex: Human Revolution
Enslaved: Odyssey to the West
Final Fantasy XIII
Gears of War 3
God of War III
God of War: Ghost of Sparta
Halo Anniversary
Halo Reach
Heavy Rain
Homefront 
Killzone 3
Kingdom Hearts: Birth By Sleep
LA Noire
Mass Effect 3
Medal of Honor
Metal Gear Solid: Peace Walker
Portal
Prey
Psychonauts
Ratchet and Clank: A Crack in Time
Resistance 3
Shadows of the Damned
Silent Hill
Uncharted 3
Vanquish
Yakuza 3

Second Meeting

It was another productive meeting. There's nothing like coming together to share thoughts and ideas.  It really makes me feel that this project is truly a collaborative effort.

JomattoStyle: Starting Out

Starting Out

This is a royalty free image. Don't feel bad about using somebody else's work!

So you got yourself all the tools you need in order to start writing, but now you're faced with a new problem: how do I start?

The answer to that?

Hell if I know.

I'm not you.

But what I can do, is tell you what I do.

JomattoStyle: Tools of the Trade

Tools of the Trade

Writing is a unique task that can be accomplished through a variety of different tools. We've gone a long way from the pen and paper, but the funny thing is, the pen and paper is a still a viable method. I used to draft out my ideas in a notebook , but in the interest of avoiding carpal tunnel, I decided to go for a more progressive and multi-faceted approach.

JomattoStyle

I'm not arrogant enough to think that I'm an authoritative voice on writing, even on the level of fanfiction. I have too many biases to be objective. What I can do, however, is offer insight to those who wonder about how I do what I do. This is just a starting point, and as time goes on, there will be more added to this guide.

Click on the links below to jump to a category:

1. Tools of the Trade
2. Starting Out 
3. Introductions 
4. Descriptions
5. Perspective
6. Express Yourself

Sora's Epic Journey: The God Quill

This is the first concept for Sora's Epic Journey Through Fanfiction.  The story was originally called "The God Quill," but as you now know, I decided to go for a more eye-catching title. While this and the current story are not the same, it does give hints as to the kind of person Sora was before he started going nuts with the god quill.

Artwork: Sora (Love Sick)

 

 For this drawing project, I decided to draw Sora from my story, Love Sick. In it, he suffers a serious condition where close proximity with girls activates his gag reflex. Simply put, girls make him sick. Due to story details, I made him wear a generic white tee. The hand over his mouth is to keep himself from throwing up. I tried to make him look "cool," and at the same time, have him troubled. I think I succeeded on some level.

Hotel Hearts Chapter 11 Preview

 Listening to Selphie's advice, Kairi decided to give it a shot. She already agreed to the date, but now she won't approach it as an unwelcome and miserable method of passing time. She owed Riku that much. Despite how charming and gentlemanly he might be, she had no expectations of love. She had priorities, and a boyfriend was the lowest item on that list.

Hotel Hearts: Initial Concept

I was digging into old files when I found this interesting piece. I actually approached the concept of Hotel Hearts from different angles. The premise in this one is kind of mysterious. 

Bent over the kitchen floor, the boy furiously scrubbed until the surface started to shine with a silver sheen. With a heavy sigh, he picked up his dirty rag and tossed it over the kitchen counter; he threw off his rubber gloves and pulled the bandanna that was holding his hair in place loose. His hair sprung to life, gasping for air previously denied by the cloth, and the boy stretched, letting his joints crack freely. After ironing out the kinks, he proceeded upstairs to his room to get ready for work.

Visual Novel Prototype

Where am I?

What is this place?

I'm looking around but...

Nothing is familiar. The walls are blank, featureless, and gray. I feel the wall but it's perfectly smooth.

Above me, the ceiling is the same. Flat. And below me, there's no difference.

The only thing I can see are two doors against the wall.

One door to the left, and one door to the right.

Which one am I supposed to through?

(selection)
Left Door
Right Door

(Left Door):

I put my hand on the knob and twist. Light blinds me, engulfs me, and swallows me up. It's so bright...it's too brilliant!

All sounds fade away. I can no longer hear myself, my breathing, or my heartbeat. It feels like...I'm floating.

Things seem to dim.

I open my eyes.

I'm back home. In my bed, as if I just woke up.

Was it all...just a dream?

(Return to Main Menu)

(Right Door):

I put my hand on the knob and twist. It is pitch black. Complete darkness.

I am blind. It's like my eyes are closed, but they're wide open, and they see nothing. What is this? Where am I?

Cold grips me. My blood freezes. No...

Is this death? It can't be! My body...it feels number. It grows colder, weaker, number...until...

Nothing.

(Return to Main Menu)

Psychonauts

It's easy to forget that gaming has a vast library. It's a hit-driven industry, and gamers have short-term memory. Once we finish the latest and greatest, we look forward to the next big thing. When you live from release to release like that, it's easy to criticize the industry for being too uniform, too safe, and too conservative. Genres have condensed, others have evaporated, and it just feels like we're playing the same damn thing over and over. But when you dig into gaming's enormous library, you can dig up an absolute gem that feels fresher and more innovative than any game that's come out in years.

From the excellent minds at Double Fine, Psychonauts is a platforming adventure for the PS2, Xbox, and PC. You play as Raz, a boy who goes to psychic summer camp in order to become a Psychonaut—a kind of psychic secret agent.

I confess, the art style turned me off at first, but it definitely grew on me. Perhaps being inundated by bald space marines, colorless military grunts, and Japanesy anime characters has left me more receptive to anything that doesn't resemble the aforementioned styles. The art is charming, unique, and completely appropriate.

Psychonauts successfully merges the gameplay with narrative. The level design is artistically and mechanically demented. Rooms turn topsy-turvy, disorienting your perspective, and provides unique navigational challenges. New abilities are gained under the guise of "Merit Badges," tying into the game's setting of summer camp. Each stage is trip through a different character's mind, and gives the designers an excuse to throw you through a variety of gameplay types, from light puzzle solving to straight-up combat. Rest assured, all your psychic powers will come handy at some point, whether to solve a puzzle or defeat a boss, the game doesn't leave any power unused.

Platformers are fundamentally about collecting stuff, and Psychonauts doesn't lack in that department. Each stage is filled with collectibles that help raise your rank (the max rank is 100). Advancing in rank grants new abilities and upgrades existing powers. Trying to nab every last figment will test your ingenuity and willingness to explore the levels.

The game is rife with unusual characters, accented voices, and clever lines. The story's an enjoyable romp that feels like an animated movie or Saturday morning cartoon, but it’s punchy and clever. The main adventure lasts about ten hours, but you can tack on a few more extra if you're a completionist.

If you’re a fan of fun, clever, and devilish platformers, you owe it to yourself to play Psychonauts. You won't be disappointed.

First Meeting

This is going to be a record of my efforts to build a visual novel from start to finish. It should be fun to look back on. Who knows? Maybe this will become a valuable record of a man who went on to create big things. A man can dream can't he? On to the meeting notes!

So I corralled two of my friends for my project. When it comes to starting something as ambitious as this, it's best not to go at it alone. I called a team meeting on Friday and it turned out to be very productive. I explained to them my goals, what the project was, and why I needed their help, and they agreed.

We are now a three-man team. The only thing missing is a name for our "studio." I considered "Waypoint Studios" as a name, but it was already taken. I guess I should make it a priority to find another name for us. Trivial matters aside, I've filled in some very important positions. Since this whole project was my idea, I'm the so-called Director and Scenario Writer. I've tasked my good friend Z as the primary programmer, and my other friend R will be Co-Writer. I still have two open positions. One for art designer, and the other for sound engineer.

I can do the art myself, but I'd rather not. For the sound, it'll be really cool if I can get custom music and sound effects, but I'm probably going to have to rip some from public domain. I'm thinking of reaching out online to fill those positions, but I want a prototype to showcase before I start soliciting.

At this stage, my concept for the visual novel is just that, a vague idea with no shape or form. This is our research phase and I've created a tentative schedule. By next week, I hope to have a basic prototype running. The scenario is this: you're in front of two doors, and opening one of them will lead to either a good or bad ending. It's a low hurdle, but it should be achievable. Shooting for the moon tends to make one give up before takeoff.

With Z, I'm hoping to explore the possibilities of Ren'Py, the program we're using to build the visual novel. While most visual novels have branching paths, I wonder if we can have inventory systems or keep track of statistical variables (like "love points").

With R, we're going to be building the storyline, fleshing out the setting, plot, and characters. I've tasked him with playing a visual novel so that he can get used to the style and mechanics. We've had experience in building stories together, but this is the first time we're doing it for public consumption.

It should be fun.

Mental Refinery

It's so easy to plan, but it's a lot harder to execute. The number of times I've allowed myself to think are innumerable, but that's all I ever do:

Think.

There's something phantasmal about an idea. When it's floating in your head, its potential for permutation is unlimited. Maybe that's why we never let an idea go anywhere. We're content to marvel at its raw crystalline nature. We accumulate piles of gold nuggets and freshly mined diamonds but they alone are worth nothing without a bit of polishing.

Why is it so hard to make that jump? To turn idea into action? Are we afraid that the action can't live up to the idea, or even worse -- that the idea was never good to begin with?

The solution is refinement.

It's easy to think, but it's much harder to translate your electric brain impulses into something communicable. Too many people stay dormant, unwilling to push their ideas forth, and too many others leap into action without taking the time to refine.

Refinement is the missing link.

Psychonauts Session 2

In this level, I go into Milla Vodello's mind and pick up the new levitation power. Instead of floating around as one would expect, the power manifests as a bouncy ball. It improves your running speed slightly and lets you jump much higher than normal. By holding down the aim button, you can also glide across chasms. It's adds a lot of dimension to the solid platforming.

By using slopes and curves, you can build momentum and speed up significantly. The level has a small racing section filled with ramps and collectibles. I barely won by the skin of my teeth.

The glide function allows you be moved by air currents. In here, columns of bubbles denote air columns where you can glide upwards. In a previous area, you use an air current to glide over a large chasm.

After the completion of the level, I gain the merit badge for levitation.

Time to go save Dogen's brain!

Visual Novels

I've had my eye on a potential project for awhile, and it's to make a visual novel.


Visual novel is a niche genre that's slowly gaining popularity in the West, thanks to a couple key releases. It's just as it sounds: a story with images that a player can control, similar to a digital choose-your-own-adventure book. My experience with VN's is limited to 999, a DS game that really opened my eyes up to the possibilities of the format.


I've always wanted to make games, but I didn't possess the necessary programming knowledge and skills necessary to put something together by myself. Since Visual Novels rely on "story" more than actual mechanics, it is completely within my abilities.

Ren'Py, an open-source VN building program, seems like a good start. All I need is some extra help. Although I'm a decent artist, I would like a professional who can trace and color art assets. Although I can pull music from the internet, I would love someone to compose custom tracks for the scenarios I have in mind. Although I have a decent grasp of programming, I would prefer someone else to take care of the heavy lifting while I concentrate on the narrative.

Consider this an announcement of my intentions.

If anyone wants to help, please do.

Deus Ex: Human Revolution

Deus Ex is amazing.

The core gameplay allows for multiple approaches to a situation. It's possible to go through the entire game without killing a single person (bosses aside). In some ways, it’s my dream game. It’s a perfect blend of free exploration a la Skyrim, the cover-based stealth mechanics of Splinter Cell, and the branching narrative of Mass Effect. It's like somebody took all the best ideas of Western game design and distilled it into one game.

A large part of this has to do with the impeccable map design. The levels are made with pockets of sneaking space, ventilation shafts, flowing cover, and different elevations to take advantage of Adam Jensen's unique traversal abilities. He can super jump, fall from great heights, punch through walls, and see through them. By that same token, locked doors can be blown up, hacked, or bypassed with codes lifted from Pocket Secretaries.

The game is all about stealth and punishes you appropriately for not moving around with finesse. Getting caught isn’t a death sentence, but unless you’re properly equipped, it might as well be. Even if you elect to go Rambo with your arsenal, you’ll still be utilizing cover a lot.

Whether it’s eliminating enemies with takedowns and headshots or bypassing security systems with vent-crawling and hacking, you are rewarded with XP. After gaining enough XP, you level up, granting “Praxis” points, the games upgrade currency. You use these points to upgrade augmentations that allow Jenson to move more effectively, hack more effectively, and kill more effectively. They’re a limited resource and force players into distinct play styles based on what kind of upgrades they acquire.

Now this could’ve been the greatest game of all time if it wasn’t for one little thing: the boss fights. The boss fights force an awkward style of gameplay incongruent with rest of the game’s design. If you’re going for a stealth-only run, encountering a boss fight is the moment you are screwed. They become frustrating roadblocks in an otherwise stellar experience.

Deus Ex fills out the definition of “cyberpunk” nicely, checking off the box for “hackers,” “corporations,” and “civil unrest” over the issue of human augmentation. The plot takes a backseat to the setting. Neo-Detroit and the fictional Chinese city of Hengsha are appropriately dark, seedy, and technologically-infused in its realization. Hacking computers to read emails and picking up ebooks flesh out more of the world’s backstory.

The game does suffer from drawbacks. Certain augments are completely useless and the hacking minigame gets tiresome quickly. Just like in Mass Effect and Bioshock, an interesting time diversion increasingly becomes a distraction to the core gameplay. Developers should realize that at the highest levels of hacking, the final upgrade should simply automate the process. I would certainly max out my hacking skills just to skip the minigame.

Unfortunately, the game ends with a bitter taste. The conclusion pays no heed to your choices throughout and essentially gives you an opportunity to view four slightly different cutscenes.

Deus Ex: Human Revolution is a fantastic experience marred by a couple boneheaded design decisions. If it weren’t for those missteps, I would have no trouble calling Deus Ex: Human Revolution a true masterpiece. As it is, it’s a pretty damn good game and among the best for 2011.

Mass Effect 3

Mass Effect 3 is the final installment of Bioware's epic space opera trilogy.

As you've no doubt heard by now, the ending wasn't quite what most people were expecting. Sloppy finishes aside, does Mass Effect 3 live up to its storied name?

It's interesting to chart the series evolution (or devolution, some would argue) from start to finish. While the games maintain a similar core throughout, each installment contains radical differences. It's clear that with each game, the designers followed a new philosophy to—dare I say it—"dumb" it down for the masses. This jump is obvious between ME1 and ME2 with the omission of Mako side missions entirely. Rather then try to fix it; they simply eradicated it from existence.

While linear game design isn't always bad, for a series known for branching paths, the straightforwardness of ME3 is rather jarring. The difference in the amount of freedom between ME1 and ME3 is staggering. RPG enthusiasts may lament this more streamlined approach, but it isn't without merit. It guarantees a steady pace for the story and allows players to get down to business quickly.

There's really no excuse for getting rid of exploration entirely though. The Citadel remains the only hub world in the entire game, and every other location you visit you only visit once. That sense of world and environment has been replaced with "urgency" and set-pieces that funnel you through action-packed events. It's a style that works for Modern Warfare, but it's slightly out of place in ME3. At least it makes for some memorable moments. The adventures on various homeworlds, including the Krogan home planet of Tuchanka, will stick with you for a long time. Overlapped with these sequences are payoffs from decisions you've made years ago in the previous games, putting closure to dangling plot threads.

Although the RPG elements suffered, the core combat has improved by leaps and bounds. The introduction of roll dodges makes me wonder how we ever got along without it. Movement, aiming, and shooting are tighter, and the biotic powers spice up combat encounters quite nicely.

Character upgrades have essentially boiled down to combat abilities, which offer your usual assortment of buffs and debuffs, and a couple unique physics-driven showcases thrown in for good measure. The weapon upgrade system has been extremely simplified, reduced to merely buying upgrades for entire weapon classes and inserting mods. The options aren't as numerous as before.

Upon reflection, I realize that Bioware "cheats" with the narrative. The first game thrilled us with its fully realized universe, replete with detailed environments to explore and deep customization options. Our freedom has decreased steadily over the course of our journey, but in its place, we've shared experiences with our crew. As Commander Shepard, we’ve cultivated relationships with our shipmates, romanced some of them even, and let others die. Perhaps we were blinded by our devotion to these characters, for they kept us from seeing ME3's squandered potential.

ME3 abandons its RPG roots and aspires to be a shooter. Fortunately, ME3 is a more than competent at the task, and the use of biotic powers is unique enough to shield it from criticisms of imitating more accomplished genre franchises such as Gears of War or Uncharted.

Even though the story makes the game palatable, the ending ruins everything by invalidating all of the choices you've made in the previous 3 games. Whether you played as Renegade or Paragon has no bearing in the end, and it's completely antithetical to the game's philosophy. It introduces three arbitrary, binary, and bizarre choices with a poorly thought-out explanation for the Reaper invasion. When an ending proves so controversial that it forces Bioware to redo it (although they promise it will maintain their "artistic integrity"), that's when you know that that they've screwed up big time.

Mass Effect 3 is a great game, one of the best for this year possibly, but only for your virgin playthrough. Mass Effect has always encouraged replays with different styles, but when faced with such a disappointing end, the motivation to start up a new game is completely gone.

It's an adventure that no Mass Effect fan should miss out on; just make sure you turn the game off before going up the magic space elevator. Trust me, its better that way.

Love Sick Chapter 19 Preview

A dramatic moment.

It's something that, in movies, is usually accompanied by excessive amounts of slow motion, agonizing music, and a lot of suspense.

Unfortunately, life doesn't slow down to give us room to breathe. Blink once and you're already six-inch deep, with one foot out the door and the other trying desperately to stay inbounds. When something bad comes, it hits hard and fast.

Which is why, by the time I see her, it's already too late.

Damn.

What the hell is Xion doing here?

If she finds out that I'm here with Roxas, she'll definitely tell Kairi about it. My first thought is to hide, but that's when my dramatic moment comes. As my mind probes for possible solutions, it dawns on me that I'm here with Roxas.

It's a crippling realization.

Roxas could never read a situation well. His capacity for subtlety is nonexistent. At the slightest prod, he'd fold and spill out his guts. He's the kind of guy that would tell you far more than you ever wanted to know. I just hope he keeps his mouth shut.

I use the moving bodies on Starwalk as cover until I make my way to a wall. I back up against it and peek over the edge to see them talking. Time to just wait it out. I pull myself back, lean against the wall, and slide down until I'm squatting. Staying low should minimize my presence.

Hopefully, Roxas just hit on her and got rejected, and that would be the end of that. Worse case scenario, she recognizes him. With recognition comes curiosity, and with curiosity comes attention, and with attention comes a retch session with a toilet bowl.

What are the odds that she just happened to be here? I'm inclined to believe in coincidences as substitute for fate, but when things are this convenient, I believe in volition. Could she have followed us from school? Why would she? Maybe she's spying on us for Kairi?

I don't know what scares me more: that I'm this paranoid, or that it might actually be justified -- schizophrenia be vindicated.

Hotel Hearts Chapter 10 Preview

The cellphone sprang to life, spitting out the catchy chorus of the latest pop song that lit up the sales charts. Xion's hand poked out from under the covers and doused it immediately. She hated the song now. It probably wasn't a smart move to make her favorite song her alarm ringtone. It seemed like a good idea at first, but every time she heard the song, it brought back horrible memories of trying to wake up. After squelching the phone, she rolled off the bed and hit the ground. She pushed herself up and groggily searched for the bathroom. She stumbled inside and rinsed her mouth. She squeezed the tube and a column of paste topped the bristles of her toothbrush. She started scrubbing her teeth vigorously when she heard noises from downstairs. It was six in the morning, what was Sora doing up? She descended downstairs while brushing and looked into the living room.

She almost spit out her toothbrush.

"Are my eyes fooling me?" she mumbled, froth threatening to spill out from her mouth. "Are you actually studying?"

Sora looked up from his notebook and grimaced. "Spit it out before it gets on your shirt."

She went to the sink and followed his instruction. She turned the faucet to wash the bubbles away. "What's gotten into you?" she asked clearly, the brush no longer stuck in her mouth.

"There's a quiz today. If I don't get a decent grade, heads will roll--mine specifically."

"Oooh," she drawled tantalizingly. "Kairi's got you in a vice-grip?"

"No," he answered. His job was in jeopardy, Kairi had nothing--actually, it was all Kairi's fault!

Xion sat down on the sofa and watched as he examined his notes. "You know, I've been wondering...what do you do all night?"

Sora stopped his review and sat up. He thought she would've ignored his absences but it was kind of weird when he was coming home at four every night. "I got a midnight job," he answered truthfully.

"Really? Hmmm..."

He sighed. She always did that for further prompting. "What is it?"

"I just thought that you were staying out all night with Kairi."

He almost choked on his spit. She was closer with that assessment than she thought. "Nah, just work."

"Why are you working anyways? Do we need money that much?"

He wouldn't say it was for her medical bills. "With mom on vacation, somebody's gotta pick up the slack." Their mom actually found a donor and called to tell him about it yesterday. She told him to keep it quiet to Xion since she was still in the process of "negotiation." He didn't know what there was to negotiate. Most "donors" are actually dead, since people can't live without a heart. It was apparently a complicated situation.

"Well, don't run yourself to the ground. School's important!" She was starting to sound like Kairi.

Learning that there was a potential donor was a load off his chest. Once these days of working stopped, he could focus on school. With the free time, he could start thinking about his future. Kairi repeated the word "future" like it was the be-all end-all of everything. He never gave it much consideration since he lived day to day."Do you have a dream, Xion?"

The dark haired girl flipped her feet on the coffee table. "Of course!"

She surprised him sometimes. Even when she stuck in a hospital bed, she dared to dream. He envied her. "What is it?"

"I want to be a nurse," she replied. There was no hesitation. She knew exactly how to answer the question.

"A nurse..." It made a lot of sense. She spent a lot of time in the hospital. The nurses were probably the only company she had most of the day.

"Nurses are amazing people. They do all the dirty work to make sure the patients are comfortable and smiling. I want to be just like them," she admitted enthusiastically.

Sora was warmed by her words. This girl, despite her difficulties, looked forward to the future with no uncertainty. The question of death didn't even exist. It was as is she knew she'd be alive to see her wish come to fruition. "I'll support you the best way I can."

"What about you?" she asked back.

"I'm not sure," he confessed. "I haven't really thought about it."

Xion got up and gave him a pat on the back. "You'll find it eventually. Just study hard!"

He smiled. "That's the plan."

One-Paragraph Reviews

I told myself that I would review every game I beat.

Too bad that never panned out.

I have a list of games that I've beaten and they demand to be reviewed, but I really don't have the time. So rather than write out multi-page critiques, I'm just going to go with my one-paragraph reviews.

Killzone 3: The visuals are amazing but the gameplay is middling. Aside from a few cool set pieces, it's superficially exciting and fundamentally dull.

Dead Space 2: What made the first game great was the pacing. There were moments of calm and moments of intensity. It was finely tuned to give players necessary breaks between enemy confrontations. The sequel throws this methodical approach out the window and presses its foot on the gas pedal full throttle. The adventure is frenetic, claustrophobic, and never gives you room to breathe, which is Dead Space 2's ultimate failing. Too much action and not enough calm.

Vanquish: A mash between combo-based action gaming and cover-based third-person shooting. A truly unique bullet ballet of explosions, slo-mo, and rocket sliding.

Ratchet and Clank: A Crack in Time: An incredible adventure with clever puzzles, enjoyable platforming, and solid action.

LA Noire: An interesting piece of narrative that really puts you in the shoes of a detective. Major flaws hold the game back from being great .

Resistance 3: With a varied arsenal of weapons and impeccable enemy encounter design, this is the best in the trilogy.

Shadows of the Damned: A well-crafted and unexpectedly funny journey through the depths of hell. Shades of RE4 and Suda's madness warrant a look from any gamer with a taste for the odd.

Battlefield 3: An average campaign with too many rails, but them graphics! Besides, the only reason you're playing this is for the multiplayer.

Modern Warfare 3: It's an exciting, action-packed, and nonsensical roller coaster ride from start to finish.

Bulletstorm: The most underrated game of the year. A unique blend of combo-based action gaming with first-person shooting (where have I heard this before?).

Gears of War 3: It has everything it needs except for a soul. A solid romp but nothing else, unless you're in it for the multiplayer.

Halo Anniversary: A remake of the best Halo game? Yes, please. The same fantastic core is intact, and with the new graphics, it makes this the best Halo game yet.

Word of the Day: Pedantic

Today's word belongs to that class of vocabulary that I can wield easily, reading its meaning correctly, and using it in all the right contexts, without actually knowing what it means exactly.

I think pedantic is a playful and deliberate obtuseness, or as we say nowadays, "trolling."

Damn, I was wrong.

It actually means being a flashy nitpicking know-it-all, like the guy who tries to poke holes in an argument by pointing out the most irrelevant details. Technically, he's right, but in the grand scene of things, it's not really the point.

But...

Aren't they being pedantic just to troll? So I'm partially right, and all previous instances of my use of the word pedantic still remains correct.

You don't think so?

Quit being pedantic.

Word of the Day: Moribund

I cheated.

I was supposed to look up this word after defining it with what I know, so feel free to take my pre-definition with a grain of salt.

My initial thought, upon reading the word, was "headed towards death." Mori, I assume, means death, because the words morbid, mortuary, and mourn all have to do with dying. The "bund" part of the word sounds like "bound," so I was thinking, "death bound."

I wasn't too off the mark, but there was another definition I didn't think of: stagnant. I really like that definition.

Because my job is definitely moribund.

Word of the Day: Niggling

My friend told me that he wanted to expand his vocabulary. In order to do this, he has a "word of the day." Such exercises do nothing for me since I already possess an expansive vocabulary, but what the hell?

I suppose when you text me in the morning with random words of the day, I'm inclined to blog about them. Or maybe I'm just using this as an excuse to blog about something.

In either case, today's word is niggling.

According to the dictionary, niggling is something trivial, petty, and inconsequential. It could also mean you spend too much time and effort on issues that don't warrant such attention.

My best definition would probably be, a minor irritant. It's an adjective to describe the severity of a problem. On the scale of "not a problem" to "very much a problem," it's probably in the former. When you describe something as "niggling," it kind of annoys you in the "lurking in the back of your mind" kind of way. You could ignore it, since it's not a deal breaker, but you'd rather not deal with it.

Case in point, my car. It has one niggling little issue, it drifts right. You can barely notice it, but when you drive on the far right lane, that's when you definitely feel it. I have to keep the wheel quite a ways left just to maintain course. I think the wheel alignment is off, or perhaps the problem could be more fundamental.

Yeah, it irritates the crap out of me, but I could ignore it easily enough. I just wish that I didn't have to deal with such a...

Niggling thing.

Cloudy Days

I wish for rain, because if it does, I won't have to water the plants. Mother nature, please unleash your torrents of water, open the floodgates, and let it pour!

I used to like rainy days, simply because they gave me an excuse to stay inside, but now it's just annoying. Since I'm forced to go out, I have to contend with boring, gray, overcast skies. It's dull enough that no shadow exists for miles. It's like a video game with bad graphics; no lighting and no shadows.

It wouldn't be so bad if it was outright pouring, but it's only light sprinkles. That won't sate any plant's thirsty--except maybe the cacti, but nobody likes them anyway.

Second Life

The academic fervor around Second Life is misplaced and pathetic. It is an intensely studied game that has more researchers than actual players. The greatest trick Linden Labs ever pulled was convincing the world of academia that Second Life is a virtual online community representative of virtual online communities.

At least, that's how it used to be. No longer are researchers using the glorified chatroom as a source of legitimate study. It's nice to see that people are wising up, but it always throws me for a loop when scientists decide to select certain games for their studies. Why use the most horrible example of a MMO to write papers about MMO's? It's like using Jersey Shore as an example of great television--not that I'm saying Jersey Shore isn't a legitimate source of study. I'm actually kind of curious as to why people watch reality garbage on television, but that's a story for another day.

To sum:

Second Life sucks.

Cross-Reference

The rise of the internet age has spawned a new generation of know-it-all's.

Every piece of suspect information can now be validated or discredited on the spot with instant access to the web on our mobile devices. But the old adage, "Don't believe everything you read/see on TV" still holds true for the internet. The increase of available factual information is directly proportional to an increase of bullshit.

The only way we can truly verify info is to cross-reference. You have to check multiple sources and make sure that they're not all using the same one. It's easy for an amazing story to spread, but if it all came from a single source, try not to put too much stock in it.

The days where a guy can swoop in and capture a room with tall tales and crazy stories are coming to an end. We now live in a culture of collective storytelling. Let's embrace it.

Douchebag

I don't know if I simply misinterpreted their words, but somebody implied to me that the word douchebag is not an insult. Not only that, but it can actually be a compliment.

In what world is this possible? This person helpfully explained to me the literal sanitary purpose of a douche bag. I think this person is unaware of it's insulting and figurative use.

But even with the literal definition, how could anyone consider it a compliment? It doesn't make sense. Maybe because it's a sexually invasive object? Would a man want to be a douche bag? I think that requires a rather high level of perverse fetishism.

There's really only one way to interpret being called a douchebag:

You're being insulted.

Corpse Party

When you cruise through life, you will inevitably hit a patch of obsession. Capricious whim takes over, and your whole life begins to revolve around a single thing. It could be a show, a video game, a book, an activity, anything. Our modern world doesn't lack for distractions, and it's just a roll of the dice that we find ourselves enraptured by something.

Over the summer, I plowed through Breaking Bad, one of the best--if not--the best show on television. Before that, I found myself unable to quench my thirst for anime. The pattern is the same. We get into "something" that possesses us for a brief moment of time and then we move on. Its impact on us may be minimal or profound, depending on the individual.

At the current moment, I find myself watching a walkthrough series of Corpse Party, an adventure game on the PSP. The word "corpse" conjures up images of dead bodies and a certain enemy from Gears of War to me (the corpser). I've heard of the game from NeoGAF, or more accurately, saw a screenshot of it in a series of images from one of the weirdest moments in the game, a dialogue between two heroines.

Rather strange indeed. I didn't think much of it. Just an example of translators taking liberties with the localization.

Then the lunar new year came around (or Chinese New Years), and my little cousin, Nick, starts messing around with my computer. He sees the icon for Amnesia (a very scary game), asks me what it is, and I tell him, "the scariest game ever."

He decides on Modern Warfare 3 and starts engaging in acts of military violence without batting an eyelash, and this guy's like 13 years old. As if that wasn't enough to sate his bloodlust, he plays an even more violent game in Bulletstorm (heavily underrated).

All of that to set up the conversation in the following day, where we sit next to each other at a New Years dinner for my parent's old village from Vietnam. He's eager to talk about games (what kid doesn't?) and reveals that his gaming console of choice is a PSP (because his mom doesn't want him playing anything else). As far as scary games go, his metric is Corpse Party.

A week later, I'm trying to catch up on my manga when I see that they made a Corpse Party manga, which I presume is based on the game. Considering that I'm in a particularly anxious mood from reading so much creepypasta lately (the internet-equivalent of urban legends), and from writing a couple of short stories just like it, I decide to read Corpse Party for some inspiration.

I read through all the existing chapters but the story isn't complete. So how can I finish the story?

Just watch the game.

I actually have the game sitting on my PC. It isn't a particularly complex game in its mechanics, and its driven mainly by story. If that's the case, I'd rather just watch it to completion. When it comes to YouTube videos, I simply watch them on my phone while I'm laying in bed. It's my new late night routine.

At least until something else catches my fancy.

Internal Investigation

Okay, so here I am, sitting in the Chapman University library with my good friend David. We're here for the sole purpose of applying for jobs. I bust out my laptop and start looking for listings.

I think technology has wreaked havoc on our minds. I can't even concentrate and starting working on tasks that I've put off for awhile--namely accounting. It doesn't help that when we first start, David starts asking me all sorts of weird dietary questions.

So after I figure out my budget for the next three months, how to best pay down my student loan debt, and pay off my car insurance until July, I finally face my first task.

The listing is for being an investigator for a firm that works with insurance companies and specializes in worker's comp (I presume the latter because the listing prefers experience in that field). I tenuously meet the basic requirements but my resume doesn't show a lot of experience. It's clear I'm going to have to rely on my cover letter to do the heavy lifting.

Whenever I reach this critical point, of writing a cover letter, my entire arsenal of writing skills goes kaput. I am reduced to shell of an inferior self (which is like a double reduction in true ability). This mental block always hits me and pretty much destroys any chance of me actually taking a chance.

So what can I do?

I decided to write this post. Certain topics just unleash a fury of words from my brain like a river stream of consciousness. Maybe if I can approach writing a cover letter like this, I might be able to throw up a passable attempt of self-marketing.

For a job like investigating, I think it requires a specific mindset. Maybe I'm working off crime procedural tropes, but I think an investigator needs a big imagination. I got that covered.

And next...

You know what? I think I just unlocked it, my mental stream! Time to see if I can tap into this vein and draw out some good blood!

After my last sentence, I just went to my laptop and pumped out a cover letter. I wonder if it's any good?

To Whom It May Concern,

I am applying for the position of Field Investigator because I know that the job will satisfy my craving to utilize my unique skill set. I possess a combination of skills that complement each other, work in tandem, and in conjunction for a single purpose: producing results. I've thought about the Field Investigator position, looked over the requirements, and determined that this job gives me the best opportunity to use my talents.

There is one thing that I'm proud of, if nothing else, and that is my capacity for imagination. With an imagination, I can envision the past and reconstruct events to figure out exactly what happened. Not only can I imagine it, but I can relay it. I have a great range of writing ability, but there is always one constant to my style: it is clear and communicative. I'm proud of my ability to render scenes with accurate and relevant details.

I hold a curious drive to explore the world. I like meeting new people, I can deal with different personalities from all walks of life and I've intentionally put myself in intense situations all in an attempt to learn more. I have no issues with going to new places and investigating. When it comes to investigating, I think it requires a great deal of patience, an ability to look at things from multiple perspectives, and a certain attitude about the world. It demands some psychoanalysis, the ability to read people, and to catch on to the subtleties of human expression. I draw from my experience as a journalist, as a teacher, and as a writer to engage people, to examine the environment, and to pick up on the small details.

I hope you consider my application for the position, and give me a chance to fulfill the desire and potential to succeed at this job.

Sincerely,

Jomatto

Friendly Coaching

I firmly believe in the power of mentors and leaders to inspire action. This principle is none more demonstrable than with our own personal circle of friends. I would even use this as a measure of how great our friends really are. So how can our friends inspire us?

Easy, as cheerleaders.

How often do you honestly cheer for your friends, beyond mere acknowledgment of congratulations? As a friend, you are in the unique position of providing support. All you really have to do is hold them accountable.

We can try to set goals for ourselves but most of the time, we fail to complete them. Since we personally set them, it's easy for us to make excuses when we fail, but how can we make excuses to someone else? That's why we have parents and teachers to make sure we're in the straight and narrow.

As adults, we try our hardest to detach ourselves from such figures and embrace a measure of independence, but without the structure of school to provide us with a clear cut path to success, we enter a cycle of self-letdowns.

That's why we should use our friends as motivators, as people that we don't want to let down. Just knowing that you have someone vested in your success makes you more motivated.

Think about all your friends. Do you have someone who is absolutely lazy and seems headed for a dead-end life?

Maybe, just maybe, you can be the spark to light them up.

The Sound of Clubbing

I was never really a fan of club music, the kind of sound typified by steady beats, thumping bass, and the sort of scratching one would associate more with a chalkboard than a turntable. Yet, through the power of dance, it not only becomes palatable--it's preferable.

Music has changed dramatically over the years, and what was once danceable is no longer danceable. It's hard to imagine moving your body to the tune of pop classics that our ancestors rocked out to eons ago. Can you imagine clubbing to The Beatles? Or The Rolling Stones?

Those classic tunes are the kind of music I would listen to in recreation. It's nice to kick back, close your eyes, and be transported to another world, but if I'm trying to relax, club/dance/electronica is absolutely horrible to listen to. Might as well bring a cheese grater to my ears.

But if I'm in the mood to dance, then bring it on! Those scratchy beats and random noises suddenly make sense in my head and my body has to obey. It's funny how the music I hate is the key to unlocking the dancer inside of me.

To dance, or not to dance? Such an answer depends entirely on one question:

What's playing?

The Bar

Our standards are too low.

Parents nowadays are too easily satisfied with "good grades." Good grades doesn't mean jack in the real world. What I'd like to see a little hands-on application. It's one thing to recite knowledge, but its another to put it into action.

So rather than reward our sons and daughters for getting good grades in school, we should actually assign them projects. Given our access to technology, I don't think such assignments are out of the range of your average school student.

What kind of assignments you ask?

Tell them to make a movie. It's really easy nowadays to record footage and splice them together.

Tell them to get all their classmates information. Give them a bit of a salesmanship savvy.

Tell them to write a story, fictional or real.

Tell them to make goals, and make them connect the dots necessary to complete the goals.

Tell them to record things, to keep tracks of small details like what kind of clothes people are wearing at school, what kind of accessories are popular, and how often they're worn.

Just tell them to make things.

The thing about all these tasks?

They're quantifiable. The results are observable, tangible, and real. These are the kinds of things that count for more in life than letter grades.

I beseech you, let's raise the bar for our youth.

Spazzin' Out

As easy as my job is, there are perils that go along with the perks.

To remind you what my job is, I take care of a thirty-four year-old retrograde amnesiac. The bulk of my job is simply conversation, and when you converse with somebody who has no short-term memory, it can get repetitive. While I can get away with making empty statements, exaggerated platitudes, and idle talk, sometimes, I might trip a landmine.

It's just one little innocuous comment, and it sets off an explosion.

As I drive my charge to lunch, he jumps from one object to the next, making comments about houses, cars, and other random things passing by like a dog surrounded by squirrels. I couldn't get a word in edgewise since he was moving too fast.

So I said:

"Spazzin' out."

"What?" he asks me.

"You're kind of spazzin' out."

"Well you're fucking retarded." I turn to him and his face is a portrait of fury. His forehead is scrunched, lips half open in a snarl. "You don't come at me like that, you say I'm spazzin' out? Well I say you're fucking retarded, what do you think of that?" he threatens loudly.

"Are you angry?"

"Yeah I am. I get angry real fast. What are you going to do about it? "

That's when I turn into a gas station to fill up. I don't say anything when I finish pumping and drive across the street to hit up a subway. I get out but he doesn't follow me, instead, he wanders off to a 7-Eleven.

I keep an eye on him and when he notices me, he shakes his head in his trademark display of irritation. Every time I see him do that, it's a precursor to a blowup.

It's clear I'm not gonna get lunch today. Since he knows I'm following him, he stops and waits for me to approach.

"You wanna go home? I'll drive you," I offer neutrally.

"Let's go."

We drive to his house in silence.

I walk in and get myself a banana. I eat it while he listens to a voice message on the phone. He tries to call back but is unable to, which frustrates him. He walks to his room, muttering under his breath like a petulant ten-year old.

I take the opportunity to stuff his fridge with water bottles and take one for myself. I also grab a Santa Fe turkey burger from the refrigerator. I bought it two days ago for him to eat, but he never did. I leave it on the counter since I plan on heating it up in the microwave.

I do a one-minute plank and I hear him coming. I stand up.

"Is this your water?" He points to my bottle.

"Yeah." He takes it and places it closer to me on the counter. "Is this your burger?"

"Yeah."

"Are you going to eat it?"

"I'm going to eat it later."

"WHY AREN'T YOU EATING IT NOW?"

"I'm going to heat it up later and eat it."

"DON'T LEAVE YOUR BURGER ON MY COUNTER ASSHOLE. THAT'S ALL YOU EVER DO. YOU DON'T DO NOTHING. GET THE FUCK OUT MY HOUSE."

At this point, I grab my things and leave.

It's not a particularly pleasant experience to have a 6 foot 2 tall man who weighs two hundred pounds screaming expletives at your face.

In my experience, there are two things that can calm him down: video games and TV.

I think those two act as a sort of gear shift for his memory. After he switches gear, he will forget that he ever screamed body murder at me.

This kind of nonsense doesn't happen that often, but when it does, I run for cover. When I duck my head and hear shells explode over me, I think to myself:

Spazzin' out.

Match Made in Heaven

There's a fundamental problem with eharmony, which supposedly pinpoints your perfect match depending on your profile. It's completely reliant on user-inputted information. People hardly know what they want, much less who they are. Even I don't trust my own self-assessments. We can hardly be a good judge of character if we're not in touch with our true selves. How can you tell if you're truly introspective, or if you're just plain fooling yourself?

Then again, I suppose that's the entire idea of finding a soul mate in the first place. Perhaps the only way we can truly know ourselves is through someone else. It's not like we know what we look like without a mirror, wouldn't the same apply to personality?

Matchmaking isn't an exact science, but there are enough trends, rules, and tendencies to help a person decide whether or not that special someone truly is "the one."

Anything that can pierce the veil of nonsense that covers our society is a plus in my book. So can we get rid of the stigma of online matchmaking already? Storybook meetings are just that, meetings in a storybook. I'd like my relationships to have a solid basis on data and probability rather than fairy tale presumptions.

But...I might just be fooling myself.

Sense of Urgency

Safety nets are quite dangerous.

It's true; they save your life when you fall down from great heights, but unless you've tasted high-altitude air, a safety net is all you will ever know. Nets are meant to catch you, but they have a nasty tendency of getting you all tangled up. The twine digs into your skin, wraps around you, traps your body, and never lets go.

Try not to get too complacent.

Only danger can get us to move. Perhaps the only way we can get higher is to invite a little of bit danger into our lives. So try not to get to comfortable.

Who knows how long that net will hold?