It's the last day of the month when I regularly take stock of my achievements, accomplishments, and--no, not really. It's a day like any other, well, that's not true either. It's a Thursday, and I generally dislike Thursdays because these are the days I go running. Anticipation is always much worse than the actual event, because every time I finish my run, I feel pretty damn good--invincible even. The only time I feel like this is when I'm trying to sleep. It's like all my inhibitions break down and the only thing left is wild ambition. Maybe I should start running all over the place or sleep everywhere to maintain this endorphin drip.
Perhaps it's because the only thing I can do in these situations is think. Anything to keep the mind off the body. When my brain wanders, strange things begin to happen. That conscious barrier that prevents us from acting because of embarrassment or any other illusive social obstacle, evaporates from the sheer heat of my intense thought. On the way home, I called out to a stranger below me when I was crossing a bridge. "Hey!" And I waved. He waved back. I don't do random stuff like that, but because I was high on the moment, I went ahead and did it. I skipped past the hesitation and Nike'd it--just do it, baby.
When you think about it--what is there to lose? What is the price of embarrassment? Nothing. Maybe it's a bad memory, but it'll fade, because nobody will remember it, and even if they do, you'll just be a fragment in someone's else's imagination. With the world laid bare under my post-run euphoria, all the things we get hung up on become ridiculous and trivial. If I could capture that feeling for all the moments that mattered, I'll be a beast of outlandish proportions. There's no limit to what I can achieve.
Maybe that's why when I got home, I cranked up my production. I shot off a few job applications and finally finished my post about my time at ImagingBiz on my professional website. Then I uploaded a bunch of old work, including all my stories from college. I have to be proud of them. I have to be willing to show it off because it's evidence of my skill. There's still more I have to do, but I know I can do it. That's the kind of guy I am. Slowly but surely, I'm getting to where I want to be.
Once I let go of the idea that everything I do has to be meaningful or successful, I was liberated from my own expectations. I do what I do because I want to and because I have to, not because I'm forced to. There's a distinction there, an important one.
As to the actual activities of my day, I continued watching A-Channel. I started it last night on my phone. It's a breezy little anime that follows in the vein of Yuri Yuri. Just a slice of life for a bunch of schoolgirls. It's a perfected formula at this point. There's always a dark-haired, sensible, and easily embarrassed girl in these shows/manga. I'd say more but I'd be exposing myself to scrutiny I'd rather avoid. It's not like I have a whole collection of figurines in my closet or anything, I swear!
I'm in a lull right now. I'm not in any particular cycle. Usually, I'm either:
1. In a manga kick
2. An anime addiction
3. A TV show marathon
4. A movie run
5. Deep in gaming
I think I just started a new cycle:
6. Oozing productivity
Benchmark Alert: This is my 400th post! Go me.
/eventlog
